When I started my yoga teacher training, I was pretty sure I was going to gain many things: Knowledge, a healthier body, spiritual peace, maybe some new friends.
However, what happened was totally the opposite. I lost things, many.
First, I lost the desire of smoking. From day one, my determination on quitting was a success. I lost the Olga who used to run after a cigarette in every stressful situation. The Olga who was after a cigarette after a beer, the Olga who needed a cigarette after eating. I lost that Olga, and it’s well lost.
Then, I lost hours of sleeping. I had to get up at 6:00 in the morning on weekends to keep up with the training. I lost my weekends. No more parties at night if I wanted to be physically ready for the morning classes.
I lost contact with many friends. I have been so busy practicing that I do not have time to think on anything else.
I lost time to waste. I didn’t spend entire mornings looking at cat pictures.
I lost interest in arguing with people. I just smile and turn around. Well, sometimes I give them a “look.”
I lost the fear of interacting with people in an intimate way. Yoga training is like an AA for all traumas possible.
I lost a lot of pounds, because I lost my appetite. Nothing rare in me, but I was barely hungry most of the times, and a voice inside me kept saying “You feed from energy.” I think, I lost my sanity too!
I lost my insecurity of speaking English in public, regardless my accent and the difficulty to pronounce some words in good English.
I lost my period. Has been gone. I have entered a new dimension.
I lost my anger. I approach things now from another perspective; I do not see everything as a negative force pulling me into darkness.
I lost the desire for alcohol, and every time my desire for smoking weed is less.
I lost any intention of talking about people who are not present.
I lost the pain I had in my heart for a relationship that never worked and I refused to let go. I let go.
I lost my urge for a cup of coffee. I lost many “urges.”
I lost the disappointment on humanity, ‘cuz I recovered the faith on me.
I lost my job, and I couldn’t care less.
I lost the desire for being liked, for being approved.
I lost the idea of a conspiracy against me. I am not a victim anymore.
I lost the doubt of being loved by my family. They freaking love me, and I love them!
I lost the hard part of my heart, now is a piece of cotton candy.
I lost my impatience for things to happen now, even to happen.
I lost my loneliness, the one that was uncomfortable.
I lost some Olgas. They are in the past waiving me good bye with a smile, and I am smiling back saying “I am so glad you are not with me anymore, and I have a whole life to thank you for being here and teaching me so many things.”
I haven’t lost my ego, though.