Pain and yoga

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Dicen que haciendo yoga uno se entera de cosas que no sabía
Dicen que cada dolor o molestia en ciertos lugares del cuerpo
representan un dolor en el alma
Un dolor que se lleva cargando por mucho tiempo
Quizá muchas vidas

Dicen que yoga te conecta con partes oscuras de tu cuerpo
Que te hace visitar lugares que no sospechabas existían
Que cada estrechez o rigidez, inmovilidad, es simplemente una representación
De lo que hay adentro.

Por ello para curarme, hago yoga
así me apodero de mi cuerpo
Lo hago vehículo de expresión y belleza.

Yoga is dancing
Is moving with intention
Is liberation
Te vuelves presente
Te conviertes en uno
Vuelves a tu ser

Solo en la oscuridad es posible encontrar la luz.
Por eso recomiendo hacer yoga con los ojos cerrados
Y con el corazón abierto
Porque no es fácil
Reconocerse en el error
No es fácil perdonarme
No es fácil amarme sin medida.

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Lost

When I started my yoga teacher training, I was pretty sure I was going to gain many things: Knowledge, a healthier body, spiritual peace, maybe some new friends.

However, what happened was totally the opposite. I lost things, many.

First, I lost the desire of smoking. From day one, my determination on quitting was a success. I lost the Olga who used to run after a cigarette in every stressful situation. The Olga who was after a cigarette after a beer, the Olga who needed a cigarette after eating. I lost that Olga, and it’s well lost.

Then, I lost hours of sleeping. I had to get up at 6:00 in the morning on weekends to keep up with the training. I lost my weekends. No more parties at night if I wanted to be physically ready for the morning classes.

I lost contact with many friends. I have been so busy practicing that I do not have time to think on anything else.

I lost time to waste. I didn’t spend entire mornings looking at cat pictures.

I lost interest in arguing with people. I just smile and turn around. Well, sometimes I give them a “look.”

I lost the fear of interacting with people in an intimate way. Yoga training is like an AA for all traumas possible.

I lost a lot of pounds, because I lost my appetite. Nothing rare in me, but I was barely hungry most of the times, and a voice inside me kept saying “You feed from energy.” I think, I lost my sanity too!

I lost my insecurity of speaking English in public, regardless my accent and the difficulty to pronounce some words in good English.

I lost my period. Has been gone. I have entered a new dimension.

I lost my anger. I approach things now from another perspective; I do not see everything as a negative force pulling me into darkness.

I lost the desire for alcohol, and every time my desire for smoking weed is less.

I lost any intention of talking about people who are not present.

I lost the pain I had in my heart for a relationship that never worked and I refused to let go. I let go.

I lost my urge for a cup of coffee. I lost many “urges.”

I lost the disappointment on humanity, ‘cuz I recovered the faith on me.

I lost my job, and I couldn’t care less.

I lost the desire for being liked, for being approved.

I lost the idea of a conspiracy against me. I am not a victim anymore.

I lost the doubt of being loved by my family. They freaking love me, and I love them!

I lost the hard part of my heart, now is a piece of cotton candy.

I lost my impatience for things to happen now, even to happen.

I lost my loneliness, the one that was uncomfortable.

I lost some Olgas. They are in the past waiving me good bye with a smile, and I am smiling back saying “I am so glad you are not with me anymore, and I have a whole life to thank you for being here and teaching me so many things.”

I haven’t lost my ego, though.

 

(NY. 052016)